Androux – Book 1 – Volume 5

Androux: The Legend Of The Blue-Eyes White Dragon

The Jupitonians closely resembled human beings in many ways. The key difference however was that instead of arms, they had a collection of DVD boxsets of The Wire attached to their upper torso. This probably would seem inconvenient, particularly when having to pick up things, but they didn’t actually need arms as they possessed short range telekinetic powers (which is how they restrained Androux and co). They didn’t need to eat or sleep either. To “recharge”, so to speak, all they needed to do was make blibbling noises with their lips and they would regain their full energy. Jupitonians didn’t have traditional settlements or buildings like you would on Earth, or “Oyster World” as it was now known. Whilst the Juptionians were a very advanced race with their telekinetic powers and whatnot, they hadn’t yet discovered the concept of walls. They understood ceilings very well and were very proud of that fact, but had yet to understand the greatness of walls. This meant that what constituted for Jutpitonian cities were in fact a selection of floating ceilings held in place by their telekinetic powers. Since Jupitonian telekinesis was only short range, there had to be at least one Jupitonian within range of a ‘building’ so it wouldn’t collapse. “Wow, such epic worldbuilding!” exclaimed RickAndMortyFan69, whilst being flogged in his cell.

At this point the Androux Trio were brought into the cell, along with a man called Steve who doesn’t say very much or indeed really contribute in any way to plot progression; he just exists. Little is known about Steve other than the fact he had clearly done something deemed an offence in order to get sent to the cell with the rest of that. The cell, like the rest of Jupitonian architecture was completely devoid of walls; prisoners were instead kept inside by means of a long fall into a moat patrolled by a vicious native creature called a Gruntle. A Gruntle is a fearsome beast resembling a cross between a wolf and a leopard; instead of ears they have another set of appendages with poison tipped claws. If RickandMortyFan69, Androux, The White Flower, Derkle and Steve ever wanted to experience freedom again they were going to need an escape plan. “If we ever want to experience freedom again we’re going to need an escape plan” Androux exclaimed. “And how? How do you propose we do that?” Snapped RickandMortyFan69 from his corner. “I don’t think any of you have the ability to survive that drop, if you did then you’d have the Gruntles to contend with and there’s no way to get a message out to anyone,” he continued. “Perhaps…” Androux began, “Perhaps we don’t need to get a message out; there’s a certain someone I have the ability to summon… he might just have the skills we need.”

“I SUMMON THE BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON IN ATTACK MODE!” shouted Androux at the top of his voice, dramatically pulling a children’s trading card out of nowhere. The mighty beast manifested itself out of the card. “FLY MY MIGHTY BEAST, FLY!” exclaimed Androux, in the most unnecessarily dramatic way possible. The majestic blue-eyes took flight and soared off into the distance, its beautiful white scales glistening in the moonlight. “What was the point of that? And since when do you possess trading cards?” asked Steve, the most important character in anything ever. “Since when do you even exist?” retorted RickAndMortyFan69 from his corner. “Androux you please stop pulling plot devices out of nowhere? It’s like you have no respect for established canon” inquired RickAndMortyFan69, beginning to lose his patience. “What do you mean? I thought summoning my blue-eyes would help, it has 3000 attack and 2500 defence you know” replied Androux, wondering why the others were failing to understand the genius of his plan. “But you didn’t even give it any directions or instructions, you just told it to fly off into the distance. Who knows when or if it will come back?” stated mayor Derkle, raising a good point. “Can dragons even talk to people?” asked the white flower. “They usually can’t, unless it’s of course established in the pre-existing lore, but I’m going to assume that Androux hasn’t done that” explained RickAndMortyFan69, losing his patience even more. “Fine then, I guess I’ll just summon the dark lord Satan instead” responded Androux, as he began to call upon his dark magic ritual.

As before, the Lord of all that is unholy Lucifer rose from his dark domain. “Sup man, need more already?” asked the doer of all that is bad. “Actually…” Androux began, “we need help with another matter; we need a way out of here!”. The Dark Lord Lucifer stood for a second contemplating what was being asked of him, “I’m sorry Androux truly I am but I can’t help you; things are getting weird around here and I just don’t need the publicity right now… just… take this half kilo of crystal meth; that’s the best I can do.” And with that the Antichrist retreated back to his domain. Disappointed but unwilling to let the meth go to waste Androux injected it all once again into his penis, as was convention. Like lightning, the memories came flooding back! “OH MY GOD” Androux yelled. “What is it?” Asked Derkle, somewhat perplexed. “I’ve been feeling it a while but I’ve not made the connection until just now… it’s the dream! This is the dream!”. At this point RickandMortyFan69 chimed in, “Excuse my pessimism but I’d hardly call this ‘The Dream.’” “No no no… I mean right at the beginning of this whole mess; it woke me up because it felt so real… turns out it was!” Mayor Derkle’s face lit up, “Do you know what this means Androux? It means that this world and your dream world are somehow connected; what you’re seeing are visions from long ago but also in our future… time goes in circles, get over it… Androux, do you think you could fall asleep again and pick up where you left off; perhaps the dream could be the key to showing us the way out of this place.” Androux contemplated it, “It won’t be easy, I’m going to need help falling asleep, from all of you. Including you RickAndMortyFan69.”

Book 1