The day I was arrested by the internet police

I remember that day; I wanted to post something online. It was a good post, or so I thought. I made sure there were no spelling and grammar errors and fact checked it to the best of my ability. “This is it”, I thought to myself, “this is where I leave my mark upon the world for the rest of time”. I genuinely thought I was onto something great. I was ready for the world to see my post. I moved my mouse cursor closer to the post button, slowly in order to savor the moment. I clicked the post button. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, for I believed that when I opened my eyes again, my world would not be the same. I opened my eyes, only to discover that things unfolded in a manner which I did not expect, for you see, my post had been denied…..

Because I did not have enough internet points.

Moments later the police showed up at my house. I had no idea how they got here so fast. One of them held a gun to my head and kicked me to the floor. “Why are you doing this?” I asked, “I haven’t done anything wrong!” The officer looked at me in disgust and spat in my face; “Posting online? On my internet? What the fuck were you thinking?” The officer informed me that the post I was about to submit was a violation of even the most basic human rights. “How?” I replied, as I didn’t think what I was posting online was either controversial or offensive. Hell, people post offensive stuff on the internet all the time and they rarely get into trouble, so why are the police here? The officer replied: “I can’t believe that sick fucks like you think you have the proper authorization to post things online! I have to ask: How do you sleep at night?” Then it hit me- the realization of my wrongdoings came down on me like a ton of bricks. Everything was so clear to me now……

It was because I did not have enough internet points.

What I did not realize is that overnight, internet points had become the global currency. The value of the pound and the dollar had become completely redundant in comparison to the Facebook like. The stock market had crashed but the retweet was at an all-time high. Businesses shut down whilst YouTube vloggers came into power. Anyone with less than 1000 Reddit karma was imprisoned, me included. If only I spent more of my time seeking validation from strangers online instead of trying to lead a fulfilling life, then I wouldn’t have been arrested by the internet police. So as I waste away in my prison cell, stripped of all my freedom and rights, I leave you this final message: never develop independent thought. Live life to its fullest and spend all your time constantly chasing social media trends that will be completely forgotten in 3 months’ time, or the internet police will come for you. You’ll be locked away like I am, never to see my family and friends again…….

All because I did not have enough internet points.

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