A Thing you like is GARBAGE and here’s why

So there’s a thing. It’s a thing you like. You enjoy that thing. In fact, lots of people enjoy that thing. That thing is generally considered good. But what if I told you, that actually, that thing you like, that thing lots of people enjoy……….. is actually bad? I know, it’s quite hard to comprehend. I will give you a few minutes to recover from the shock. It’s not every day that someone on YouTube makes an overlong video on why a popular thing is bad, but I was given no choice. What else was I supposed to do, except that other people don’t like the exact things that I like and move on with my life? I’m sorry, but I can’t sit idly by and let people go around enjoying things now, could I? In this generously proportioned 14 hour video, me, a middle-class white dude in his early-to-mid-twenties with no analytical skills whatsoever, is going to give you a detailed breakdown on why this thing is bad, why everyone who likes it is bad and why everyone involved in its creation is completely irredeemable.

So let’s look at the thing; why is it so bad? Why are you such a bad person for liking it? Why is everyone who made it bad? Let’s look at this in more detail. Here we can see the badness in full effect. Look at the badness. If we zoom in even closer, we can see the badness being even badder. Can you see how bad it really is? How could no-one who made this realise how bad this was? It reminds me of Star Wars: The Last Jedi. God I hate that film, it’s just so…… bad. Why couldn’t it just be not bad? It’s not a complex concept to grasp. Remember when things used to be good and definitely not shit? Those were good times.

Let’s face it, the only reason you and everyone else who likes this thing isn’t because of your own personal preferences, or because taste is subjective, but because your parents BRAINWASHED you into thinking it was good. Your whole life you’ve been surrounded by people who told you it was good when actually, it was bad. Now you are completely incapable of understanding why me, a genius, doesn’t like a thing that you like. Me on the other hand, I exist completely outside of society and am therefore completely unaffected by all external influences. I am by definition, a free thinker. You have to admit that I’m right though, there’s no denying it. I have lots of subscribers and people on Reddit upvote my opinions, which is exactly the same as being right. If you aren’t intellectually capable of understanding why this thing is bad, you will never be as deep and sophisticated as I am.

The reason that I’m making this video isn’t just because this thing is bad, it’s because the badness of this bad thing is responsible for causing the entire collapse of western civilisation. It’s obvious that this thing was made purely to upset me, otherwise why else would it exist? Why can’t people I’ve never met make things that cater to my specific needs? It’s not fair! I have to stop them before it’s too late and they make more things I don’t like, otherwise more people will get hurt. This thing simply existing is a plague and you, a person who likes it, is spreading it. Everyone knows that the only way to stop a pandemic is to make incredibly half-assed videos about it, that’s the truth. The Spanish Flu was single-handedly stopped by one man who wrote an essay on why the Shakespeare play Hamlet was, and I quote, “gay”.

Everything is objective, including things that aren’t. Only I possess the divine ability to distinguish the difference between things that are good and things that are bad. Some would argue that it’s a God-given gift, but it’s quite simple really. It goes like this: things I like are objectively good, things I don’t like are objectively bad. Who thought that I could solve all philosophical debate since time began in one video? Obviously, everything I like is a flawless masterpiece, otherwise why would I like it? Unlike you, my own personal subjective viewpoints don’t taint what I consider to be objective. Everything I like and have ever liked is brilliant and therefore completely incapable of being criticised, so there.

To conclude my video essay, the thing you like is bad and completely devoid of merit, unless of course in 5 years’ time people make memes about it, then it will considered a masterpiece. You might say that’s unfair, but I don’t make the rules, I just follow them. If you didn’t like this video then don’t worry, YouTube’s algorithm will spam this into your recommended videos until you do.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.